Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
