she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
