I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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