I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
