awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
