Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
