If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
