some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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