you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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