I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
