I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How does one acquire holy water?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
