shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
