At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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