so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
