is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
