I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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