thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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