I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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