My room smells like vodka and shame
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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