I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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