wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
