i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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