Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize