K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can text with my tongue
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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