Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
