Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize
