shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
