I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
