just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
