Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
