I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
