I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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