god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
