don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
