K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
