Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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