she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
