all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
