Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
