well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
