My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
