I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dick very happy bro
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
