There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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