Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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