How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
