Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
