i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
