you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
