Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
