you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
