he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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