Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
