he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
