I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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