In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
