I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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