if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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