Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
