i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
