This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
