he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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