Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
