I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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