I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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