why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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