I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
