Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
