I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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