Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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