I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
